Under The Influence (June 2003)

well, i'm sure you've all been breathless with anticipation over the results of amy's latest potentially humorous situation-- the removal of her wisdom teeth. and, i'll admit, i did not disappoint. humor is abundant. but before i delve into an elaborate narrative of the depths of my knack for chaos, i have to preface with some seriousness. cause God most certainly showed me His abundant mercy this past weekend and i'd be cheating Him not to testify to it.

as probably all of you know, i was NOT looking forward to this surgery. what most of you probably DON'T know is the EXTENT to which i was not looking forward to the surgery. i have this amazing ability to dwell on things and worry about them for extended periods of time. this surgery has been put off four times since last summer, when i was INITIALLY supposed to have it done. i'll tell you this much... when i first looked at the xray of my wisdom teeth, i screamed. yes, out loud. i could not even IMAGINE how the dentist was going to remove those and how i was going to survive it. i got in the car and cried and thus beganeth the panicking.

i spent the year praying about these wisdom teeth. i prayed for everything under the sun... first i prayed that God would just supernaturally remove them so that when i went back the dentist would be totally shocked and God would get the glory. did that until i checked my motives :-\ now, i can tolerate pain. nobody LIKES pain, but i have a pretty high pain tolerance. but what i do not like is medication. why? well, primarily because i don't like ingesting substances that alter the natural processes of my body. aspirin, tynenol, motrin-- whatever. no problem. but when my oral surgeon started talking about "tylenol with codeine" i said ".....excuse me, WHAT?!?!?!?!?!" right. seriousness. testifying. sorry.

see why i could never be a preacher? we'd be at church till midnight waiting for me to finish my 60th tangent.

the point is that i was scared. scared of the anaesthesia (knowing what i feel about medication... imagine what i felt about being injected with a substance that will render me unconscious), scared of the pain, scared of the medication i would have to take FOR the pain, which the doctor comfortingly reassured me that only had a 50% chance of making me throw up. big scared ugly mess = amy. so why do i say that God showed His abundant mercy, besides the fact that His mercies are indeed new every morning? well, to start, He should have struck me dead for being afraid in the FIRST place. how many times does the Bible say "fear not"? how many times in the past had God come through when i was afraid of something just to prove to me "see, Amy? you don't need to be afraid!" but amy doesn't learn lessons very well :-\ i try. but i guess i've just got a long way to go.

when i left to go on the train home, my friends nadia and najja were with me cause we had come from church and naj had helped bring my bags with me to the station. can't TELL you how much i wanted to, like, "accidentally" miss the train and have to postpone the surgery. they left and every fiber of my being wanted to be going with them. it didn't HELP that they kept BANGING ON THE WINDOWS OF THE TRAIN (yes, in public), shrieking "amy!!!!!!! don't leave!!!!!!!!!" but i was still afraid, went home, still afraid, went to bed, trying not to be afraid. i was praying, but i was still afraid. but when i woke up the next morning, i was chill as a cucumber. had two brief moments of panic while at the doctor's office, but both passed quickly. and i remained chill. so God, once again, gave me everything that i didn't deserve and kept me from what i did deserve. and i'm very grateful.

i'll try to keep the humor part brief, cause i'm tired and this email is long enough already. this CERTAINLY isn't good enough to be classified as one of "Amy's Great Adventures," but it's a least a miniature version. i was armed and dangerous with my mp3 player and Christian music mix as i walked into the dentists chair.

can i just take this moment to say that i truly believe that dentists are, as a whole, masochistic? meaning that i am persuaded that they do EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to make you uncomfortable when you're sitting in that armchair waiting for the torture to begin. i can't seem to ever sit still, so i'm swiveling around in the dentist's chair trying to amuse myself before the procedure. *swivel* first i noticed the forbidden xray of my teeth proudly displayed on the back wall. *swivel* then i noticed a series of needles staring ominously at me "hidden" under a TRANSPARENT piece of material. *swivel* then i noticed a big machine with lots of clamps and monitors that was emitting a rhythmic beeping noise over and over that, if properly used, could probably make the hardest of criminals confess to anything. *swivel* then i saw a large drill on the back table. *swivel* then i saw more needles *swivel* machines *swivel* tools *swivel* beeping *swivel* xrays *swivel* I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MOOOOOOOOOORE!!!

*nurse enters*
Nurse (brightly): Hi Amy!
Amy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!Nurse (brightly): Can I take your coat?

Things got better from there because I realized that half of those instruments were not for me. Ha ha! Fun for all. The procedure finally got underway and the doctor told me he was going to give me some laughing gas before giving me the anaesthesia. This was a very exciting concept, being that I enjoy laughing. He stuck a mask over my face and I continue to breathe as he hooked all these machines up to me that would monitor my heart rate and other such things while I was asleep. Slightly nerve-wracking, but I was okay. Right before he was about to put the IV in, I inquired of the doctor "should I be laughing yet?" The doctor tried to explain that it wasn't actually supposed to make you laugh... just to relax you... but he was already putting in the IV and that's when it just got cool.

Now, I am very strongly against all kinds of illegal drugs. I would never, ever in my life touch or try such things. But I say with all seriousness that I now COMPLETELY understand why people do. If anyone knows what kind of substances are actually IN anaesthesia, I beg you never to tell me. Because if I knew, I would probably spend the rest of my life on my knees in repentence. All I knew was that the minute the IV came in, I felt a vague spinning sensation and I said (yes, out loud), "Whooo!" The doctor chuckled and said "Yup, that's the anaesthesia." I remember feeling like I was going through this bizarro maze of colors (I am so serious) and I remembered hearing the voices of the doctors every once in a while... I FELT like I was "still awake" but I was just having my own personal lazer light show. The next thing I know, the colors start to go away and I was VERY disappointed. I believe I said something to the effect of "Hey, come back!" as was told to me later by my mother, who impishly decided to write down everything that I said while under the effects of the anaesthesia. Then I heard the doctors say "How are you doing, Amy?" and I gave them a thumbs up. Then I began to speak. Mistake #1. Here is a sampling of some of the things that I said:

1. THAT.... was.... SO...... COOL.
2. Are you there? (to no one)
3. Stuff is heavy!
4. Wow.... that was cool.
5. Don't move.... shhhh.... shhhh.... *silence for two minutes*
6. Take a picture! (editor's note: i refuse to believe that I said this. not until i actually see the developed film)
7. *rolls up sleeve and discovers that there was a bandaid over the spot where the IV went in* *loudly* HEY, COOOOL!!!!

There were probably more, but I don't have the official list that my mom wrote-- I'm just going from what she told me last night. So I got home and in the car I began to tell my mom about recording with the BT choir. I finished talking. Five minutes later I began to tell her the EXACT SAME STORY. My mother patiently listened and then said "Do you realize that you just told me the exact same story twice in ten minutes?" The effects of the anesthesia wore off real quick-- apparently it's supposed to make you tired. But the minute I got home I was wide awake and anxious to begin taking the painkillers. The narcotics, excuse me. I asked the dentist about 17 times "are you SURE I have to take these??? can't I just take a million motrin?" And the dentist replied "not unless you want to be in excruciating, agonizing pain." So narcotics it was. I prayed over my medication *sheepish grin*, took it, and the first two doses were great. No problems, no side effects, slight tiredness but that's it. Until I took dose #3.

For a brief moment, I thought I might die. I was standing at the sink and all of a sudden my entire body got VERY very heavy and dizziness set in. I said ".... uhoh." and crawled over to the couch and huddled in a little ball while commanding the room to stop spinning. Fortunately I fell asleep and upon waking up, the room had returned to its normal state. And then I decided that that was the END of the narcotics. So I switched to Motrin and had to deal with some pain, but better that than whatEVER was going through my system earlier. Now I'm chillin... stopped taking Motrin yesterday morning so I've been off painkillers for a day. I am strong *dun dun* I am invincible *dun dun* I am.... tired. Hence the end of my story. Tune in next time to hear what happens when Amy shows up to Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir recording tonight looking like I'm storing nuts in my cheeks.